J Law dancing in Silver Linings Playbook, oh my God.
Today went shitty in a hurry and it kind of makes me want to give up on just about everything I’ve worked towards.
Maturity has not always been my strong suit. I think anyone looking at my high school transcripts or initial college semester transcripts can read that much into my grades. I took what I was doing lightly despite my mother’s best efforts to emphasize just how important my education would prove to be throughout the course of my life. The issue was that I was a kid fortunate to have grown up in a relatively wealthy part of the United States. I hadn’t faced a whole lot of poverty, or heard many ‘what I would have done better’ stories, or been forced to feel the immediacy of my future as a result of my choices, so I shirked responsibilities.
Upon getting out into the real world those things changed and along with them so did my attitude. I was at a university getting to know people who had followed my lackadaisical attitude all the way through high school and their first attempt at higher education. Their lives had been hard and the places they were in while trying to start over even harder. Their stories were told through grit teeth remorse and a vantage point that saw them a decade or more behind in their lives. It was then that I started to draw parallels between a cousin of mine who only now, a decade later, is getting back into college and these people I was studying with in introductory college courses. I had always wanted to change the world and had always envisioned big things for my future. I was going to impact people’s lives, raise a family that never wanted for anything, and explore the world, but these are pretty lofty ambitions for a kid that never put forth the necessary effort to prove he merited any of it.
So this is the part of the story where I buckled down. This is the part of the story that my transcript can only vaguely allude to, the part where I take all of that naiveté that thoroughly bridled my potential and set it loose upon a focused ambition. I made the decision that I wasn’t going to be another story of dreams put on hold simply because I wasn’t willing to seek them out. I was going to push my grades to the forefront as I once had and see myself here to this point where I turn in the application to the college I had always wanted to attend but had never been granted acceptance. It wasn’t easy breaking all of the bad habits and it wasn’t easy learning all of the good ones. There were times throughout a semester where I seriously considered tearing my hair out and giving in, but I wouldn’t let myself. I checked all of those feelings by reminding myself that from then on the only person that was going to limit me would be me.
If you follow along with my college transcript you’ll see what was at best a mediocre student turn his grade point average around. You’ll see a student that pursues courses like calculus beyond degree-seeking requirements, and a student who relishes getting a job with a description that entails, for all intents and purposes, retaking an entire course that he had already done more than well enough on. You’ll see the student that I am today and will be tomorrow. While my working academic goal for the last two years has been to see this application through successfully, I’m not going to stop pushing forward any time soon. From here on out I intend to be limitless.
Having people randomly tell me my writing is good and that they need me to write a book makes me happy.
Would you kiss me so I know what it’s like to feel excited again? My head will know it’s nothing, but it will be enough for a fool’s heart.